The Fall

Making my way
Into the fall
I thought I saw the light
The answer to my quest

Looking for the hope
I could never find in daybright
I seek it in shadows
Wishing for a pure soul

A strong heart need
Not be calm and peaceful
Never ending chaos
Will soon sweep out the love

Intellect is the sole need
Feelings are useless
No one’s bigger than yourself
Selfishness is a virtue

There’s no turning back
The fall is the end
The life of the numb
Is it really worth it?

Push

I don’t know what I’m doing. I have no plans of changing. I don’t care if somebody gets hurt. It’s their problem, not mine. I only need to care for myself and no one else. I admit I’m selfish and insensitive. I can’t stop being a dick to anyone that gets close to me. I guess I have no self respect. But that doesn’t stop me from doing what I think is best for myself.

Pain is a fact of life. Still, people can’t accept that. They cry and weep and get depressed and commit phailed suicides. I’ve been through a lot yet, I’m still alive. Screw those people who say they can’t live without someone. Screw those guys who think so lowly of themselves. I’ve had enough of them.

I’ve had enough of life. I’m sick of this mediocre life that I’m suppose to learn to love. But I’m not gonna kill myself. I just wanna rant. I can pretend to live life. Though deep inside I die… slowly…

Reality check: Love is all around me. I don’t want it. I just hope they give it to someone else. I am indifferent. I don’t want people crying when I die. I am who I am. If they can’t accept that, then it’s better to leave. I’ll keep running. That’s the only thing I know how to do.

Lab Rat

Life is like a lab
A workbench of failure
Errors to every test
Uncertainty to hypotheses

In times it feels confusing
Mind overshadowed by the heart
A desire for something ideal
Disregarding what’s real

Test subjects need not be nurtured
For a test can go awry
Attachment is not an option
Perfection is my mission

A scientist is labeled crazy
When the norms are bended
But the experiment must go on
Though methods are wrong

The scientist is the lab rat
Ignorant to learning
Irrelevant to life
Insensitive to love

I could have been a better man... Saying goodbye hurts, but I know this is the right thing to do. I cannot give you the things you ask from me. I'm too fed up with my own issues I tend to forget that there is someone who cares for me and love me for my imperfections. Yet, I decided to run away from all of this.

I want to start all over. I want to be a better person if ever I'd pursue you again. I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy. You can't be happy with me. I'm dragging you along with me in this dark, deep, infinite cave of mine. A hole you will never leave once you let yourself fully consumed.

I know I've hurt you and this is the best solution I can think of. The only way I could never hurt you again. The times we spent together are times worth to be cherished. I love you, but we have to part ways and get out of this petty mutual relationship that destroys the norms of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

You can say I'm a coward or I'm not strong enough. Maybe I am. Hate me. Despise me. But please, don't hate me too long. You are my first love and there's nothing that can change that. Farewell...

I HATE LOVE

I don't wanna love. It is costly, time-consuming, energy-wasting, and an emotional burden. It deprives you of sleep and it uses most of your day. It makes you weak and lose control. It diminishes half of your identity. It takes half of your legal property.

Love forces you to tidy up your uncleaned room. It makes you brush your teeth and take a bath everyday. It makes you go to church and confess to the priest all your sins. It makes your room pink-themed. It forces you to throw away your action-figure collection. It makes you spend most of your money for new clothes and artificial man-scents. It forces you to study and get high grades. It makes your telephone and cellphone bills go high. It stuffs your always-empty refrigerator. It makes you do your laundry every week and lets you do it twice if it's not clean enough. It forces you to get a new hairstyle which you never heard of. It makes you wake up one minute before your alarm clock sets off. It makes you shave everyday. It makes you give up your favorite hobbies, such as gaming and binge-eating! It makes you fat though you are doing strenuous activities.

Everything you do is always not enough when it comes to love.

“Searching for the Right One”

Is it ok to believe in soulmate and reincarnation?!? To believe in these notions would open your mind to another notion which I call “waiting”. A very simple word but difficult to apply to one’s life. What if the right person would never come? What if your whole lifetime is a wrong time for both of you to have a relationship? What if he/she is bound to die before you could actually meet?

Most of the people in this world don’t want to wait just to enjoy the material possessions of this world. These people never knew that there’s something more to life. I don’t know what it really is that I’m searching but I will wait a lifetime. Sounds kinda long but I don’t know why these worldly pleasures don’t satisfy me anymore.

How would you know if he/she is your soulmate? A difficult question you might say since you’re not a Buddhist. It’s easy actually. Just do nothing until there comes a time that when you look at a particular person and then you feel a ticklish sensation from the deepest part of your soul. That’s when you say that he’s/she’s the one. But wait there’s more! This tiny sensation will suddenly burst to your whole body as that person approaches you. But I’m not saying that this feeling is one-sided. To find your soulmate means two people finding their soulmates. The exact feeling you’re experiencing will also be felt by your partner.

What I’m saying sounds senseless right now. You might think that waiting for the right one will keep you from knowing the right one. I’m just expressing a simple person’s point of view without knowing what impressions people would make. If ever you find that right person (formally or accidentally) and wouldn’t know what to say to him/her, well that’s another story…^_^

when a girl says “I like you”

To tell someone about one’s feeling is something you need to have a lot of courage. But for somebody to tell you ’bout what they feel is confusing…

Especially when you're a guy and not that gudlooking… That’s really confusing since you would have doubts if you will believe it or not. Xur I have gud qualities as a person but not as a love interest!!! For an inferior and passive person like me, to be love by someone who’s quite a beauty is really impossible… Well I refuse to believe about love. Thinking ’bout love’s complexity makes my head ache.

Love… is a deep feeling of intimacy and craziness since it makes the brain malfunction, the cheeks turn red, the feet swept away, heart beat faster, the lips juicy and wet, mind floating in air, and really huge hard on…

But let’s get back to what this post talks about… Xur I got shocked and don’t know what to say but I never realized that she has a thing for me… It’s kinda lame talking bout this stuff and shit but it really clears my mind if I spill it on a permanent basis…

Now I know how to appreciate simple things in this world so I try to be someone who’s friendly and nice, though I’m not. It’s what you call pakikisama and it’s important in surviving this world. Call it plastic but I like being appreciated by people… Other’s call it demure but I like it.

As for others who’s insecure on me, sorry if even I don’t put much effort in making myself alluring, people still love me!!!^_^

Love at First Sight

People say that love at first sight is plainly infatuation. But to me it isn’t. I have felt it manifest to me once. My mind turned into mush as my eyes look away just not to contact hers… Like what my teacher said to me, the eye is the door to one’s soul. Though chinky and small, her eyes showed deep compassion and also mystery. A simple look and you’re stunned for a few seconds. Also, include her gorgeous smile and cute dimples, that definitely turns me on. I wonder why she looks away when we cross paths on the hallway or at the pedestrian lane…

The posture, face, complexion, hair, everything’s perfect!!! Not to mention the brains. Call her a geek or sumthin’ but you would rather go for a smart girl rather than a dumb ass right?!?

If only I could have her. To make her mine till the end of the world!?! If only she knew what I’m feeling for her… If only she could fill this empty space of my heart. What happiness I would feel if this fantasy of mine turns to reality. But the princess would always hesitate to kiss the frog prince and you know the reason why. You could never define love as it is if it’s only one-sided.

To love someone is to know what she feels and let go if you think you don’t have a chance at all. If you wanna be happy, "humanap ka ng pangit at ibigin mong tunay"(Andrew E., 1990).

Am still practicing on my term paper writing so am sorry to end this short emotional moment with laughter.^_^